Kiwi Jokes

A tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?".  
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, **** off and get your own!'

Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest race horses in the world? 
Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep

A tourist from the US was driving around NZ. He was a bit tired and thought he needed somewhere to stay the night before getting to Queenstown. Then out of the darkness ran a bull, he couldn't avoid it, drove into it and killed it. He was still able to drive the car, so feeling guilty he drove to the farm house. He knocked on the door, The farmer answered the door. The American said 'Im very sorry but I've killed your bull and would like to replace it.' 
The farmer said 'No dramas mate, go around the back you'll find all the cows in the shed, go for your life'

An Elephant, a penguin and a kiwi walk into a Central Otago Pub. 'Whats going on?' asks the bartender suspiciously. 'Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?'