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Kiwi Jokes
A tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?".
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, **** off and get your own!'
Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest race horses in the world?
Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep
A tourist from the US was driving around NZ. He was a bit tired and thought he needed somewhere to stay the night before getting to Queenstown. Then out of the darkness ran a bull, he couldn't avoid it, drove into it and killed it. He was still able to drive the car, so feeling guilty he drove to the farm house. He knocked on the door, The farmer answered the door. The American said 'Im very sorry but I've killed your bull and would like to replace it.'
The farmer said 'No dramas mate, go around the back you'll find all the cows in the shed, go for your life'
An Elephant, a penguin and a kiwi walk into a Central Otago Pub.
'Whats going on?' asks the bartender suspiciously. 'Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?'
Individual reviews about your best Kiwi Joke
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2008-02-29 12:10:30 |
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A successful farmer from the South Island High Country died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the farm, but knew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a shepherd. Two guys, both Australians, applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about farming. For weeks, the two of them
worked, and the farm was doing very well.
Then one day, the farmer's widow said to the shepherd, 'You have done a really good job, and the farm and the stock look great. You should go into town and kick up
your heels.' The shepherd readily agreed and went into town the very next Saturday night.
One o 'clock in the morning came, and he hadn't returned.
Two o'clock and no shepherd. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the farmer's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.'
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.'
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.'
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
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Name: John P |
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Location: Melbourne |
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2007-08-20 12:33:06 |
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The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance:"hello - is anyone there.Can anyone hear me". A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: " Australia will win the Rugby World Cup" "Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive" |
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Name: Niv |
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Location: ChCh |
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2007-10-15 10:29:05 |
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What's the difference between a arsonist and the All Blacks?
An arsonist doesn't waste his last 5 matches.A man was found by police laying dead on his front lawn wearing an All Blacks top pink panties and a dildo up his arse.
The police removed the All Blacks top to save his family further embarrassment.
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Name: Paul |
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Location: ChCh |
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